“People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”
― Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
It’s a good lie, perpetrated for decades on end by the psychoanalytical elite and spawned during the salad-acid days of the self-esteem movement and post-modernist mummy blaming. If this person had only been raised to believe they were special. If only they had a sense of their own self-worth. If only they loved themselves. If they had been breast fed longer, not been breast fed so long, had been held more, had been cosseted less, if they had only been permitted to express themselves, if they had just been told to shut the fuck up occasionally…some parents are so thumb-screwed by PC fascism that they are actually afraid of their own children. Loathe to do something that will impact on their child’s self-esteem, many choose to simply do nothing at all.
I’ve never believed that bullies have low self esteem. They seem to me to have an excess of self-esteem. The willy-nilly over-application of child-praise seems to create a disturbing sense of entitlement in them while simultaneously draining out any vestiges of empathy. Our child-worshipping culture is like a catheter – indulgent self-satisfaction in, narcissism and conceit out. Self-confidence, self-regard, self-approval – self, self, self – the roots of self-esteem and bullying are almost indistinguishable.
I know I may be out here on my own again, but I think that sometimes it’s okay to tell little Johnny he’s just being a right little shit. Sometimes it’s ok to bypass the hours of analysis and counsel, the behavior plan, the positive reinforcement and every other accoutrement in the psychologist’s arsenal, lobbed into the void in an effort to discover and placate the origins of little Johnny’s anger. Has anyone just considered telling him that it is a requirement that he stop tormenting his peers? God forbid we just throw some good old fashioned discipline at little Johnny – the latest American psychoanalytical studies are touting that asking a child to take sole responsibility for the pain they cause others is retaliating against the bully with bullying.
Here’s the rub: they who bully with impunity as children, bully with impunity as adults. And then they raise more little bullies. More of us should be standing in the face of this and saying “No”. Quietly, firmly, unflinchingly – No. And teaching our children to do the same. This in no way implies a deficit of compassion, but it does require a lack of fear in all of us. Sometimes it’s okay to tell little Johnny he’s just being a right little shit.